The War Inside

I have a confession to make. I got angry with God this morning. Let's be honest, you've been there too and it's okay. Sometimes it just makes you feel better to let it all out. The best part is that God is okay with it too, as long as it isn't a permanet anger.

You've been in my shoes, in fact several names are flowing through my head of people in the same type of situations. You're in a rut. You feel stuck. You ask, but don't recieve. You see others moving forward, and you are standing still. It's not that you want what they have, you just want to feel like you are moving too. It could be one of many things, or more than one. You want a job or a new job. You want a house. You want a child. You want a boyfriend/girlfriend. You want to be married. You want to be on your own. You want to go to a specific college. You want to be financially stable. The list goes on and on. To top if off, all those around you are getting what you want and more. It isn't fair and you get angry.

Such was my morning. Then I opened the Max Lucado book I'm reading (In the Grip of Grace) to find the chaper I'm on is Sufficient Grace. He asks a question which really hit home. "What happens when God says no?"

I've always been a girl on the go. Not to toot my own horn, but through high school and college, I was going places. I've always been smart, close to the top of my class. An athlete that was able to compete at the state and collegic levels. A musician of mulitple insturments that was good at all of them. I never lacked friends, some might not have been good friends, but I always had some I could count on. I could almost name my schools and I was accepted to all that I applied for. I never had definite plans, just went with the flow of things. I was the fun girl.

I haven't chanced that much, but my setting has. The 'real' world caught up to me. It's not that I was ever cocky, God made sure of that. First place at the state championships were within my grasp three times, and each time I tripped up and fell short. Frist chair could and should have been mine more than once, but an external source made sure that I didn't get it. Placing at the A-10 conference was at my finger tips, but I didn't get it. I've had my share of disappointments, but I was persistant. Sometimes I never knew why I was persistant, but that was all I knew how to be. If you want it, go for it. So I did, but what happens when what you want is out of your control?

I found that answer months ago, you wait.
"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation" Psalm 5:3
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14
"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield." Psalm 33:20
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Pslam 130:5
"Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts." Isaiah 26:8
"I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:24
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7

But what if God says no? What if you aren't meant to have what you want? What if you have to wait longer? You get angry and then you force yourself to be content with what you have. There is no other choice, trust me I've tried to find others, but it will leave you even more disappointed. We could take some advice from Timothy. "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." 1 Timothy 6:8

Wait and contentment. Two simple words that we all struggle with. How do you deal with them? I'm still working on that one. I will let you know when I have those answers. For now that's all I've got. To wait and be content with what we have. God will reward your patience.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18